Confident On My Own at QVC
“I got this one! It’s easy, just a 7 minute hit on prime time, live TV… perfect… I am good!” This was my attitude on August 11th. Yeah that’s a good name “HIT” because it did hit me like a freight train and I felt like I had fallen flat on my face. If anyone hears me say “I have it all under control,” from here on out, someone please come and rescue me from myself!
During those 7 minutes of prime time I was entrusted to deliver God’s love and I had started to think I could do it on my own. Wow, talk about PRIDE! Thank God that He is God! He loves me so much (as He loves us all) that He allowed me to fail so I could remember who really is running the show.
Lights Camera Action…
I heard the host ask me, “So tell the world about My Saint My Hero…” and that’s when I began to babble. There was such a complete disconnect from my heart. I felt no love, no connection. They were just words flying out of my mouth, sound bites with no heart that I fell flat on the screen. When those 7 minutes were up, I walked off the stage and felt like crumbling. It was then when it hit me! I was entrusted with a very important message and I just failed to deliver it. I failed to be a conduit of God’s love. I forgot to be His instrument because I got in the way!
I couldn’t sleep that night and during the entire 6 hour flight home, my heart felt so heavy. I got in my car and drove straight to Adoration to spend some time down on my knees, then home for a little family love and finally I took a plunge in the water. These things are my tools of faith: tools to help get my mind, body, soul and strength back in alignment. It was working slowly…my feelings of shame began to lessen and the next day I was able to face my coworkers at the office, my friends, and ultimately face my failure.
A God of Second Chances
The next morning I went to Mass and as I was praying, replaying the events in my head, I realized what happened. I did not go to Mass that day, I had forgotten to get a Blessing before going on air, I forgot to bring a prayer warrior with me, I forgot to ask for Spiritual Direction…I had tried to do it on my own. However, I realized that I am not meant to do it alone, not now, not ever. As I opened my eyes I gazed at Jesus on the cross and asked Him to help me remember, to forgive me and to please continue to use me as an instrument of His love.
As I was driving away from church, QVC reached out and asked me to come back. A second chance, another opportunity to be on set, but this time trusting God to lead the way. It was as if Jesus was inviting me to sit in His lap and to simply be a conduit of His love. I immediately reached out to my team of prayer warriors and asked them to come with me!
7 Magnificent Minutes
On my flight back on August 23rd after the QVC hit with Jane Tracey, I thanked God for 7 magnificent minutes. I had gone to church, had spiritual direction, I had gone to confession, adoration and I received the Eucharist. I clung on to my Blessing Bracelet remembering to breathe and make space for God again. I brought my sister, my prayer warrior, with me… and together we remembered, together we surrendered our will to God’s divine will.
And together we let God’s love light up the stage which He did! The wave of His love radiated out and we had the honor of doing so on Our Blessed Mother’s Feast Day!
Thank you God, for the second chance. Thank you for the lesson learnt and thank you for your GREAT LOVE. Thank you for allowing me to feel the difference and for teaching me I am not meant to do it alone not now, not ever.